Head-Hopping
This guest post was written by editor Rachel Small of Rachel Small Editing.
Recently, a friend of mine texted me about something that was frustrating her in the novel she was reading.
“The perspective jumps all over the place,” she said. “Within a scene, the writer shares what’s on several characters’ minds. It’s very annoying. Is it just me?”
I assured her it wasn’t. “You’ve described something that I help authors address during a developmental edit,” I said. “It’s called head-hopping.”
What Is Head-Hopping?
Put simply, head-hopping is shifting from one character’s perspective into another’s without warning (i.e., a scene or chapter break). Head-hopping is a common pitfall when writing in third person limited point of view.
In third person limited, the narrator is privy to the thoughts of only one character, or one character at a time. It can be tempting, though, to dive into the perspectives of other characters in the scene to get a point across, which is where the issue arises.
What Does Head-Hopping Look Like?
Here’s a basic example.
Amy couldn’t believe this was happening again. How had she forgotten to set her alarm? She felt sweat beading on her forehead as she rushed through the hallways, hoping none of the teachers would spot her. She sped around a corner, and her heart sunk. Oh crap, she thought.
Mrs. Jansen could barely contain her annoyance. There was Amy, ten minutes late, barrelling around the corner. How could she be so irresponsible? And after so many warnings? I have to give her a detention, she thought.
In this example, we start in Amy’s perspective. We experience her panic at being late. Then we immediately hop into Mrs. Jansen’s perspective and feel her frustration with Amy. This can be jarring for readers. Or as my friend said, annoying. When an author head-hops, the reader has to continually orient themselves in a new perspective.
Sticking with one perspective means the thoughts and emotions of other characters in a scene have to be inferred. Their inner worlds must be revealed through body language, facial expressions, dialogue, tone of voice, etc. This can take more work on the author’s part but will ultimately make for a smoother reading experience.
How Can Head-Hopping Be Avoided?
Here’s an example of how the previous passage could be reworked.
Amy couldn’t believe this was happening again. [. . .] She sped around a corner, and her heart sunk. Oh crap, she thought.
There, just a few steps away, was Mrs. Jansen, eyes narrowed, arms crossed, foot tapping. I’m in for it now, Amy thought, swallowing hard. She glanced at her watch. Ten minutes late. After all those warnings, she was sure she’d get detention now.
In this scene, the reader is with Amy the whole time. Amy knows Mrs. Jansen is upset based on her body language. And the other information that’s important for the reader to know (i.e., Amy is ten minutes late and going to get detention) has been woven into Amy’s perspective.
Alternatively, if the story featured the perspectives of both Amy and Mrs. Jansen, a scene break (or chapter break) could be added.
Amy couldn’t believe this was happening again. [. . .] She sped around a corner, and her heart sunk. Oh crap, she thought.
***
Mrs. Jansen could barely contain her annoyance. There was Amy, ten minutes late, barreling around the corner. . . .
Then the scene would continue in Mrs. Jansen’s perspective.
But beware, too many scene breaks in a chapter can get cumbersome. If the perspective shifts only for a sentence or two, there’s likely a way to work the relevant information into the current perspective. Or perhaps it could be revealed in another scene or chapter. An editor can help determine an effective alternative.
A Final Note on Head-Hopping
Of course, this isn’t a black-and-white issue. As with many aspects of fiction writing, there are exceptions. Some authors employ head-hopping to good effect, but it must be done with careful thought and for a specific purpose.
As a developmental editor, I advise authors to avoid head-hopping if they’re simply looking for a quick way to reveal important information. In most cases, there are more nuanced ways to share with readers the insight they need—and as a result, their reading experience will be more enjoyable.
Rachel Small (she/her) is a book editor based in Toronto, Canada. As an Advanced Professional Member of the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading, she specializes in literary and women’s fiction, travel literature, self-help/inspirational stories, and memoirs. She offers manuscript evaluations, developmental editing, copy editing, and proofreading services.
You can get in touch with her at rachelsmallediting.com, the Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading, and Reedsy.
