Showing vs. Telling
This guest post was written by editor Erika M. Weinert, The Werd Nerd.
Let’s talk about painting a picture for your readers . . . with your words. When I write a manuscript evaluation, one of the areas I focus on is the “show, don’t tell” mantra.
Ordinary Day Stuff
A common problem found in manuscripts is “ordinary day stuff,” such as getting out of bed, walking to the kitchen, taking a shower, putting on clothes, every step it takes to make a sandwich (unless you’re writing a cookbook), etc. You may think that by adding these details, you’re painting a clear image for your audience, but these are all trivial matters that your readers aren’t going to care about. Avoid cut and dry statements that describe a situation. Omitting these nonessential details will make your novel flow with ease. Exceptions can be made when, for instance, a character receives a phone call on their way to get a cup of coffee. (See the example below.)
As Joe was making his way to the kitchen to pour himself a much-needed second cup of coffee, his phone rang. Letting out an exasperated sigh, he turned on his heel—almost falling over in his sleepy state—and headed back the way he came. “Hello,” he managed in a weak, gravelly voice. He cleared his throat, missing what the person on the other end of the line had said.
“Joe’s phone rang as he was getting another cup of coffee,” doesn’t let a reader know just how tired Joe was when his phone rang, or how irritated he was that the phone call interrupted his morning routine. By saying “almost falling over in his sleepy state,” we see the image of a man—maybe a man in his boxers—turning around and nearly falling over because his eyes are half closed. And, I don’t know about you, but I also see a man with tousled hair.
Adverbs
Adverbs are words that describe verbs (most commonly), and they usually end in “ly,” such as “cleverly,” “angrily,” and “beautifully.” These words are viewed by some as lazy because they simply tell a reader what’s going on. What readers want is a clear image of what is happening in a particular scene. They need the story to play out like a movie in their minds. Adverbs don’t have enough power behind them to bring a story to life. Examples,
With Adverb: “Don’t do that,” she said angrily.
Without Adverb: Shaking an index finger at him while her other hand gripped her hip, his mother growled, “Don’t do that.” Her eye contact never wavering.
The first example above (with the adverb) is simple and doesn’t emit an emotional response from the reader, whereas, the second example (the one without the adverb) could bring about a memory from the reader’s childhood, producing an emotional response. The second example shows what is happening in the scene with body language rather than just telling the reader “this happened” or “that happened.”
Show, Don’t Tell
Showing your reader what is happening in a scene is important because you don’t want to bore your audience with mundane facts. “He walked to the store. He walked back home.” Boring!
Ask yourself these questions:
Why is he going to the store?
Who does he see on his way to the store and on his way back from the store?
What time of day is it?
Is it winter, summer, fall? Is there snow on the ground or autumn leaves?
Does he walk normally or with a slight limp, and why?
What is he thinking as he makes his way to the store? This question could be a great segue into developing your character further by having him recall a memory.
Tom grabbed his coat as he headed out the door, immediately regretting his choice of footwear. As he began sloshing through the melted snow, he could already feel the moisture seeping into his sneakers. The store wasn’t far, so he decided to let his mind wander.
You don’t have to answer all of the questions above. They are just examples of how to make a trip to the store (or any scene) interesting for your readers, and that is only if the scene ties into your plot. Let’s say the guy I mentioned in the example above meets another character on his way to the store. Will this new character have a crucial impact on the overall plot? If so, that’s a win!
If you’re a writer, you’re also a reader. Think about the books you’ve read. Do they make you laugh, cry, or get angry at characters or situations? Do suspenseful scenes make your heart race? If your answer is yes to any of these questions, the author has done their job. They have given their story life. Now, read your story again. Are you showing, or are you telling?
With a lifelong love of the English language—from the commas and semicolons to the subject-verb agreements—finding grammatical errors comes second nature to me, giving me that nerdy edge I felt was a curse in my youth. As an adult, I embrace the nerd within. It doesn't take much to make a piece of writing interesting to me. My tastes are eclectic, and my mind is sharp.